we take a break from regularly scheduled programming to bring you...

I set fire to the rain
And I threw us into the flames
'cuz I knew that it was the last time...

a fashion nerd's thoughts on relationships

Rule #1: Exes are exes for reasons.

The most common advice you get after a break up (aside from the 'time heals all wounds' cliche - I don't care how true it is, say it and I'll have your guts for garters) is that the best revenge is to just be happy.

I disagree.

If you were close enough to someone for their departure from your life to hurt deeply, they probably know that. They know that they broke your heart. They know that you spent time getting over them, thinking about them, obsessing, hurting, whatever. If they knew you at all, valued the relationship at all, they know that. There's no use in denying it, in pretending otherwise. I think the best, most solid and enduring revenge you can have on someone is to never, ever let them know how much they changed you... to never let them see just how much their cold, cruel, horrible words cut into you and ripped out precious pieces of your soul that you would never, ever get back. Show them that their absence, while at one time painful, is meaningless. Even if it isn't.

Do not ever let them think that they had the power to change you. That is at once both your sweetest revenge and your greatest defense.

I've been through my share of break ups in my life, but this has really only recently been on my mind. There have been no recent break ups, but I did slam the door in a not so subtle way on a particularly unhealthy relationship not too long ago, and I suppose it's caused some intense thought on my part. It was one of those situations where unless I maintain my resolve, the door will open back up and the cycle will start all over again.

But I don't think I could bear that again. I don't want to. I'm not the person I used to be... and I'm so tired of having bits and pieces of myself taken away from me. Call me selfish, but I'd rather keep a hold of what I have left.

It's not giving up. It's letting go.